Magic and Tragedy
I love him. I still do.
Can a love so magical suddenly turn out to be your worst nightmare?
It can happen. In just a snap.
I have believed that love is all about acceptance. Acceptance of your partner’s flaws, nature, attitude and all. I am a forgiver of everything. I accept even the nastiest thing a friend, a lover or a colleague could do to me. A simple “sorry” and simple explanation can lighten up everything. Though I would not talk to you for few hours, I am the person who can’t stand a day making things right. That’s who I am.
I am not perfect. I will never be. I shout, I cry, I whine, I get jealous, I get anxious, I get angry. I can annoy you, piss you, hurt you, say stupid stuff and then take it back.
But though I do silly things, I have believed that love sees thru it. I have believed that true love sees beyond all pain. I have believed that love is willing to always ask for forgiveness and always being committed to grant forgiveness when it is requested.
Because all those, I do. And I have expected for it to be reciprocated.
It was before. Now, it isn’t.
Maybe, I was wrong. Or, I was wrong.
A chance would never be given.
Have you already asked your friends how you look? In my case, they say I look dominant. But they would always back me up and say, “You look dominant because you are mature enough to think of mature things. You are intelligent. You are also that friend who never fails to see beauty to simple things. You are the friend we can rely on. You are someone who fights for what is right and never fails to give a good conversation.”
Well I can say I look snub. That is because I tend to keep myself from people I still don’t know. I am an introvert. I do not open conversations. I wait for people to talk to me. In large social gatherings, I often feel a need to seek out space to be by myself.
Given the choice, you’ll devote your social energy to a small group of people you care about most, preferring a glass of wine with a close friend to a party full of strangers. You think before you speak, have a more deliberate approach to risk, and enjoy solitude. You feel energized when focusing deeply on a subject or activity that really interests you. When you’re in overly stimulating environments (too loud, too crowded, etc.) you tend to feel overwhelmed. You seek out environments of peace, sanctuary, and beauty; you have an active inner life and are at your best when you tap into its riches.
I am asking myself now, who are these people to judge me? Have they known me well? Or has someone even tried to explain who I am to them? Has this someone told them beautiful things about me?
I would never ever say that I am so good that I am not the cause of this. But I will proudly say I am not the only one who caused this pain. I have contributed.
Long ago, I am always ready to face our future. We had dreams and plans.
We talked, we laughed hard. We talked about silly things, about serious things. We traveled, we conspired, we danced, we sing. His music became mine. Mine became his. We shared ups and downs. We fought, we kissed.
Love is not always smooth sailing. We had downfalls but we surpassed it. We thought, I thought we could surpass anything…
I admire him, even by just how he says my name, how he tells me he loves me and will love me till the end. by how he laugh and sing. How he plays music. Even by how he gets jealous of boys who talk to me. I love how he appreciates even the littlest things I do. I love how he smiles for the letters I send him and how he responds to my sweet text messages.
How he dearly says, “you are my only one.”
I was hurt by love. I left the place I considered home when I fell in love—the place where I dreamt to find the one I would love to wake up next to, the place where I promised that happiness will always be my choice. Love destroyed everything, my every dream, my every wish, and all the promises I made with my past. Meeting new people is a big job for me because I considered him as the only person in my world, or maybe I considered him as my world. He became my priority and all the other options were put into trash because that’s how much I love him. I care too much and now, nothing’s left but the broken pieces of my being. – candymag.com
But all these magical things can end in a snap.
It was and is still the most painful thing to feel.
They say you have to fight for love. But if holding on already hurts more than the hurt of letting go, it’s time to let go. And for me, holding on hurt more.
That same love still stays to me. And I will love until I no longer feel it.
All people deserve the love they get from someone. Even if it has ended already. Love is something you give because you believed in it. There are things that didn’t worked the way you expected, but everything you gave is something they deserve.
salamat. salamat at ngayo’y tanggap ko na ang iyong di pagpili at di pagkapit sa relasyong hinayaan mong lumambitin sa hangin. nilipad na. nilipad na sa kasukalan ng alaala ang kahapong kay saya. ang tanging nasa gunita na lamang ay ang sakit na dulot ng isang malakas at mabigat na sampal ng realidad sa aking mukha. paalam. paalam sa ating nakalipas na tila bagang di na abot tanaw sa layo. mag-ingat. mag-ingat sana ang taong papatol sa mga matatamis mong salita. magpapakabaliw sa’yo hanggang sa masaktan din tulad ko. salamat sa kahapon. tangina mo.
– Romeo Evangelista Jr.