Learnings and Beginning

Disclaimer: I know this is a too emotional post and is an unusual content for my website, but let me just express how I feel. And how I plan to get back and be better.

For months, I have been in hiatus. I have learned a lot during those times. And those learning I am all thankful, even when I learned them in a very hard way. If you have read me correctly of what’s happening from my previous post Magic and Tragedy – this long messed love was given a chance. And if you think the happy ending is reconciliation, no. Oh, it actually happened. But it still failed. My happy ending is me, loving myself more and seeing how big the real world is. Me, realizing I am all worth it for someone better.

Looking back, I can see myself so down. I forgot about self-worth. I lost self confidence, I was too weak. I developed panic attacks. It was hard.I was afraid to be alone. It was painful. I have lost myself for a couple of months. I wanted to revenge. I was looking for answers, answers I have realized I need not to know. Because there is nothing to be questioned about how I have loved. Crying is over. There is nothing wrong about me. When I have finally let go, that’s when I have realized that the pain does goes away even though at first, it seems so hard to believe.

A Second Chance. Second chances aren’t always that successful for reconciliation. In my case, that’s God’s way of letting me realize for myself that I don’t want it too anymore. God has succeeded. At first, I thought I was happy again. Honestly, it was stressful, tiring and emotionally degrading. I got remarks that whenever I post pictures, it doesn’t seem like I am happy. It’s because of the continuous petty misunderstanding turning to arguments and trust issues that made me feel too exhausted. So when the trigger to get out again happened, it certainly did happened.

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Realizations

It should be both of you. If both of you decided to give it a try, both of you should work on it. If one of you doesn’t exert so much effort, there’s a problem. When you are too focused on making things right but the other person is busy looking for something wrong, let it go.

You are a treasure. I remember the line Rico Blanco said when he was breaking up with Arci Muñoz in the movie Camp Sawi. He said “It’s not me, it’s you.” Seems it’s wrong from the typical break up line. I was confused at first, but I just realized it’s just a way of the guy to blame Arci when there isn’t really something to be blamed for. It was him. The next thing Arci found, Rico already has a new girlfriend. I have learned from friends that when this will be the reason, it’s not true. You have to know that there is nothing wrong about you (if the other persons says there is). As long as you know that you have loved the other person for who they are, accepted him and gave your all. You are a treasure. A much better one will also find you and see you so precious they won’t ever let you go.

More Learnings

  1. Do not settle for undecided ones,  people who once lied and as we may call it-booty callers.
  2.  In love, do not focus on negativity, on something you don’t like, on your partner’s negative traits. Because if you do, that’s how your relationship will be destroyed.
  3. Your happiness does not rely on one person.
  4. Be aware of red flags. God is making you see things. Do not ignore it.
  5. It’s okay to feel pain. Feel it. Think about it and make it your motivation to rise among the failure.
  6. If you have not felt true heartbreak, you have never felt true love. But it will give you enormous strength to face life, even if life’s so hard to deal.
  7. It’s okay to try and do everything you can. After all, it’s a sign that you love the person. But if holding on causes you more pain, let go.
  8. There’s nothing wrong with a powerful confrontation. If that’s what you need, do it. If that’s closure, do it.
  9. It’s never wrong to express yourself. It’s never wrong to tell people the story. Especially if others are telling different stories.
  10. Save text messages and conversations especially if the other person involved is lying. If you know what I mean. :’)

From an article I have read:

Just because you have been dumped, doesn’t mean you’re anything less than what you really are. You can’t force a farmer to appreciate a scalpel.

Remember that what could be of no use to someone can be of great use to someone else. You just have to find the right person that will appreciate your value.

Gold, no matter how bumped and dented, is still gold.

Since this mid-September,  I have started to move forward. Sometimes, I tend to look back. There’s so much of memories. But life goes on.  I am too thankful to people who supported me when I have finally realized it was really over. That I am too exhausted of trying to understand and that maybe, I was just in love with the fact of being with someone or having a constant company. Those people who keeps on pushing me to move forward and believing I can do it. Thank you. I get remarks now that i look happier to which I am delighted to hear.

I have started to love myself again, and more. Started doing things I have long wanted to which I am not able to do before because I was bounded (with rules). I am attending dance classes which I can’t wait to share with you, guys! More food adventures will also be posted. I also lost alot of weight so maybe, we can already go on posting OOTDs!

You know how my blog works before, you see his face all over it. I won’t be deleting any because those are memories I would still treasure those “happy” moments we have shared. However, in my heart, I still feel hatred towards what happened. I just pray for my heart’s forgiveness. I pray for it everytime I feel enormous anger. I was just lucky it starts to fade a little. It will take time, but as Bo Sanchez have said, “Never wait for someone to ask forgiveness. We have to forgive not because they deserve to be forgiven , forgive because you deserve to forgive.”

And if there’s one thing I have learned that I will hold on to my heart forever, that is –Love shouldn’t hurt you that much that you will lose your own confidence and self worth.

I know I deserve someone better. I am still young! YOLO!

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